Sometimes you just want to get on with your day and not talk about a thing.
Went to mail something the other day, hoping for a discussion free exchange. However, as I stood in line, I noticed an acquaintance was manning one of the counters. No, no, not today, please let me get someone else I thought. Naturally, she’s who I got.
“How are you doing?” they said, in a tone of voice I’ve come to recognise, accompanied with a solemn look. “Yeah, doing ok” I said. What else do you say? They really want to know anyway? Have they got all day?
Besides, how I feel changes hourly – do they want to know that? I can be getting on with my day and then have a sudden wave of intense sadness, like a rug’s been pulled from underneath my feet.
Sometimes it comes from seeing a shirt he would’ve liked, or a song he loved, or thinking for a fleeting second – ‘ooh, that show we used to watch starts up again tonight, I’ll have to remember to tell him about that’ and then immediately realising he’s not there to tell anymore.
Sometimes I shed ‘small’ tears, ones that can be swiftly wiped away and sometimes I’m doubled over or on the floor and sobbing uncontrollably. Sometimes I get half way up the stairs and give up, sit down, and a half hour later realise I’ve just been day-dreaming.
It’s impossible to answer with truth and I don’t know what people expect, but I’ll take that over ignoring the issue – but I’m pretty sure she doesn’t want to hear all that when I’m trying to mail a package … 🙂